Voices from a Bent World by Mercy Abad

As one who keeps in touch with people's opinions and behavior, I probably do over 100 group discussions in a year among different groups from all walks of life. For each group encounter, I am equipped with the most detailed discussion guide. Each encounter is always a new experience that enlarges my views of the world, and eventually, of myself.

It is actually a rare privelege as allowed into the confidence of the discussants, I am transported into their world and share with their realities and experiences. As one philosopher said, by listening to others, one also listens to that which calls from within. Indeed, each encounter does something to me.

The latest such opportunity to interact with others was via the International Red Cross which wanted to know, among other things, if people had heard of the rules of war. I was tasked to talk to different groups of people caught between themL MILK combatants, government soldiers, CAFGU (paramilitary group), women evacuees, teachers in the war zone, and the NPA.

Displaced Women

The story of each woman evacuee mirrors the horrors of war. Caught in the middle of the fighting, they have to flee for their lives, losing members of the family in the crossfire and leaving behind all their possessions. I have never heard the word "hungry" repeated so many times. They tell their story with great composure, almost in a steely tone, but seated elbow to elbow with them, I feel their distress. They have no words for their feelings. Like animals, they are tensed to flee at the slightest provocation. As I listen, I ask myself how anyone can be proud to decalare that we are the only Catholic country in Asia if there are Filipinos abroad who live under these conditions.

Teachers

These teachers work in schools located in the war zone. Their story reveals their own share of apprehensions - fear fore their own safety and fear for the safety of their students. Worst of all, they relate how young students grow up in a culture of violence. Some of them now orphans of war identify with the combatants and learn to carry guns. Some students, as soon as they can carry guns, are led to believe that if they kill an enemy, they are sure to have a place in heaven. I am deeply moved by teachers' concerns and anxieties, and I think of the many young children who are in constant fear for their own lives. As though it were not enough shock for the day, the teachers talk about how corruption in the government system frustrates social work among war casualties.

Corruption as it affects the marginalized cuts with a grimmer, more tragic edge than the multi-million scams that we read about in our newspapers day in and day out.

MILF Combatants

MILF combatants talk about their hurts and frustrations and explain why they have taken to violence. Their woundedness started a long time ago, even before Martial Law was declared by Marcos. Each one had lost a loved one through the violence of man - father, mother, children, relatives have been shot, massacred or strafed. They were farmers before they became combatants, but they felt that their ancestral lands owned by their forefathers had been transgressed by document-bearing immigrants. Feelings of helplessness are evident, and the latest famous quotes from President Estrada only add salt to festering wounds. They feel very hurt over this. To them the President's harsh words exemplify their greatest fears that they are being considered apart from the rest of the nation. Some of the MILF combatants are very tired of fighting. After all, they have been at it for more than 20 years; a few of them have actually fought since they were teens. How they wish they could lay down their guns and go back to a normal and peaceful way of life. Before I talked with them , I imagined them to be a wild, trigger-happy lot. But I was wrong. They are just like any typical Filipino with the same feelings, dreams and aspirations for themselves and their children. To them, the most hateful thing about the war is hurting others and they sincerely regret that they have to do that. One of them recalls with remorse having shot a civilian. One of them is still haunted by the face of the spy he had to shoot.

CAFGU

The CAFGU group operating in the remote barangays of Davao City whom I talked with echo the same sentiment: they would rather lay down their guns if they had any choice. They would rather go back to their farms full-time so that they can feed their families adequately. Under present circumstances, it is usually at best "one day, one eat". It is a more upbeat discussion as the CAFGU group reports that the NPA threat in the area has diminished significantly. But life for them cannot go back to normalcy because there are still random threats to their peaceful living. The truth is, the NPA continues to recruit. For as long as there are people who are so poor, the NPA will remain an attractive option for the desperate. Even with the CAFGU, the pattern of fear, poverty and deep hunger is evident.

Farmers

The farmers once again tell of the horrors of war. They have lost loved ones in massacres, strafing and shooting between combatants. One of them is 65 years old (but looks like she's 80), and she still has to till her farm because only she and a grandchild are left behind. There are two other widows, and they are beside themselves with grief and helplessness. They do not feel motivated to plant long-term crops because they fear that they have to move on if the armed conflict is not solved. The other discussants are younger men who seem to be more hopeful. They are aware that people have rights but are not certain what these are.

Government Soldiers

The government soldiers I talked to had not seen much combat in the area yet. To them, being a soldier is not just a job but a respectable one. They do not relish getting into an armed encounter. They have apparently been well-trained on the rules of war. They know the rules in their heads but clearly lack the understanding of the principle behind these. They are very conscious about human rights and the proper handling of prisoners of war. They are also very conscious about projecting a good public image, aware that there have been enough military abuse in the past to give them a black eye. They are more eager to win the respect and admiration of the public.

NGOs

The NGOs are young and full of idealism. They risk their lives and subject themselves to a lot of inconvenience to reach out to their publics, some of whom are in the hinterlands of Mindanao. What an admirable lot! Their own stories, though, confirm what previous groups have revealed - the NPAs, though decimated, continue to recruit and cause disorder in the process. The NGOs offer the same hypotheses - for as long as people are very poor, the NPAs will be relevant.

NPAs in Detention

Back in Manila, I talk with NPAs who are in maximum detention. They continue to be unhappy with the present system. From what they know, nothing much has changed since Marcos times. They opt for violence because they are disgusted with way things are being run. Underneath the frustration and anger; is again, humiliating poverty. How does one get liberated from within one's lifetime? The diehard ideologues among them are still committed to their cause. The others just want to go home and live a normal life all over again.

One of the observers from the International Red Cross who had observed similar focus group discussion in other countries made an observation which left me with so much hope. He noted that one significant difference with the Philippine groups was that there were no deep irreparable hatreds among the combatants.

The INRC does not realize that they had done me a great favor. By giving me the opportunity to talk with these groups, I have come home with a deeper understanding of our reality. I do realize though that knowing is only one experience. Living is a deeper dimension. So I ask myself - if I lived the way they live, in such circumstances as theirs, would I continue to call God my Father?

I know I have become connected with my subjects. When I think of them now, which I do so often, I see very sasd eyes and frightened faces. I smell their poverty, I feel their tensions, fears, anguish, and sense of helplessness. I have become one with them. It makes me wonder what it is that makes the gentle and ever-patient Filipino embrace violence.

Best of all, the connection with my subjects made me stronger in my commitment to active non-violence. Although I can truly say that the groups I talked with had valid issues, their first-hand witnessing only underscored the evils of violence. Our social problems are complex and one cannot solve them with guns. I start with my own inner angers and frustrations. So as to process my own feelings, after I get home, I re-read a favorite poem which I had not read for a long time:

GOD's GRANDEUR The world is charged with the grandeur of God.
It will flame out like shining from shook foil;
It gathers to a greatness, like the ooze of oil
Crushed. Why do men then not reck his rod?
Generations have trod, have trod, have trod;
And all is seared with trade: bleared, smeared with toil;
And wears man's smudge and share's man's smell; the soil
Is bare now, nor can foot feel being shod.
And for all this nature is never spent;
There lives the dearest freshness deep down things;
And though the last lights off the black
West went
Oh, morning, at the brown bringk eastward, springs-
Because the Holy Ghost over the bent
World broods with warm breast and with ah!
Bright wings.

(Gerard Manley Hopkins)